One of the reasons why we avoid having courageous conversations that we should have is because of a disproportionate emphasis on the real and perceived feelings of the two parties involved in the conversation-the instigator (that’s you) and the recipient (that’s them). It’s not prudent to ignore your feelings completely- understanding what you’re feeling and why you’re feeling is a long way to adequately compensating for those feelings in the scenario. What’s inappropriate is to overemphasise feelings (versus the need to have the conversation) and allowing them to determine whether or not the issue is addressed. Along with this it’s inappropriate to allow your assumptions of how the other person may or may not feel to determine whether the conversation happens or not- feelings should be taken into account, but must be proportionately considered in relation to broader organisational needs.