In my courageous conversations workshops I suggest a three-stage approach to dealing with tough topics and even tougher people.  The first stage is to have a warm heart towards the recipient, giving them the benefit of the doubt, being empathetic where appropriate, maintaining a gentle and inquiring tone, and very much being on the side of the person you’re having the conversation with. However, it’s inappropriate to maintain that position and approach indefinitely when the other party is failing to accept any ownership or responsibility in the process and instead giving a continually below the line response such as unjustifiable defence. At some point in the process [and even within the current conversation) it may be necessary to move from the warm heart stage through to the calm head, and finally onto the hard nosed stag