On the leadership development programme I run, we look at “leaders that I admire”. The characteristic of “firm but fair” often arises as one of the desirable leadership traits.  The challenge with being firm but fair is that not everyone should be treated the same. If I am a ‘red’ behavioral style (very direct) and I'm dealing with a ‘yellow’ behavioral style (good sense of humor and energetic) I will approach a courageous conversation with them quite differently than I would with a ‘green’ behavioral style (conflict averse and sensitive).

Courageous conversations will be more effective if I understand my own behavioral style (and its associated strengths and weaknesses) and also the behavioral style of the other party. Understanding their strengths and weaknesses and preferences for communication will inform me of how best to approach the situation, maximizing the chances of a positive outcome, and minimizing collateral damage (both in the short and in the long term).

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