THE IMPORTANCE OF GENERATING SUPPORT FOR YOURSELF  

This is a concept that I would have found very beneficial to have heard (and understood) early on in my leadership experiences- that leadership can be a lonely place. It can be a real challenge to go from the comfort, warmth and collegiality of being part of a team to then stepping into the challenging and even lonely place of leadership. It may be the conversations, and even gossip, that you were previously involved in you now no longer find yourself privy to.  

There will be decisions that you make, along with courses of action, which are not necessarily popular with everyone and may cause team members to pull away and withdraw relationally from you. Fortunately, this is often just for short periods as they process the change and in some cases their relationship with. They may take time to adjust to the fact that as an ex-peer of theirs (if you’ve been promoted to lead your own team), you’re now giving them instructions on how to work and holding them accountable for results.  

You may also find yourself negotiating your way with a team member that also applied for the promotion that you were successful with, and conversely they were not. There may be a natural period of ‘grieving’ that takes place for the unsuccessful applicant, and in most cases ‘time will heal’ and they will gain their buoyancy back. If this is not the case, then after a reasonable amount of time (you can discuss what ‘reasonable’ might be with a mentor or manager), you will need to approach them and have a courageous conversation about them ‘moving on’ from the disappointment of not getting the leadership role, and now committing to your leadership of the team as a supportive and productive team member. Hopefully that conversation is sufficient to bring them back on board, but if after a period of time things are either not shifting, or haven’t shifted significantly enough, it will be time for a second conversation of ‘where to from here’.

There is a common saying that I use in leadership training: “Change the people, or change the people”, which simply means if people’s attitude, behaviour or performance is inappropriate or insufficient, then that behaviour needs to be addressed, and changed. If the behaviour doesn’t adequately change with suitable support and guidance, then it’s time to ‘change the person’ out of their seat on the bus, to another team (another seat), or have them leave the bus entirely.

As this chapter said at the outset, it can be a challenge to go from the comfort and support of being part of a team to then stepping into what can be a lonely place of leadership. To the extent that you still need support from others, you will need to develop a new network beyond your team to offer you support for your new role.

‍