THE IMPORTANCE OF BUILDING A GREAT RELATIONSHIP WITH A MENTOR
I think my first genuine leadership role was as a young 15 or 16-year-old (5th form, year 11) being responsible for setting up and coaching our high school’s first ever girls’ first XI soccer team.
I knew nothing about leadership at the time and certainly didn’t recognise the role as one of leadership whatsoever. All I knew was that the school didn’t have a girls’ first XI, and the 18-year-old (7th form, year 13) who offered to coach the team had next to no football experience, whereas I had been playing football since I was five and was confident enough that I could impart some of my knowledge to these novices.
If my memory serves me correctly, the older guy who helped me out was the head boy of the school and I remember the only way the school would endorse the project was if I had an older male to “oversee the process”. I was a pretty rough diamond back in those days (at best) and it is quite possible that I may have done more harm than good in my overzealous efforts to train these girls, many of whom were older than me. It was just as well that senior staff at the school had appointed this older boy to mentor me with the process of coaching, which was so much more than simply football skills and tactical decisions.
Many of these girls had never played football before, so they required a lot more support and encouragement than I would have recognised at the time. Although this older boy was only two years my senior, he may as well have been 15 years in terms of his maturity and his understanding of how to nurture people (I’m sure I couldn’t have even given you a definition for the word “nurture” at the time). Looking back, although I felt at the time that I could more than adequately coach the team on my own, I’m not sure that the team would have survived had it not been for the people skills of my senior partner.
I am now well and truly familiar with the concept of mentoring and have been grateful to those that have assumed the role in relating to me over the years. All too often leaders in business are not formally assigned or even encouraged to have a mentor until they are well down the track of their leadership journey. However, I believe there is no time more important to have a mentor than in the first position of leadership that you hold. In the same way that being a mum or dad for the first time is the steepest part of the parenting learning curve, many know that it’s invaluable for a new parent to have some kind of a sounding board and some wise counsel during this incredibly challenging time.
Very few people will offer to mentor others, so don’t expect anyone to proactively rise to the occasion and offer their services. You need to make the request of people that you both know, trust and respect to have meaningful input. If I was to emphasise one element in the mentoring process, it would be the fact that you (the mentee) have to be responsible for driving the mentoring relationship. You need to make initial contact with a prospective mentor. You need to confirm the formal relationship. You need to set dates to meet. You need to pay for coffees, cakes, and lunch- the mentor is generously giving you their time, so aim to relieve them of having to pay the bill at the end of each meeting.
The first person you ask to mentor you may not prove to be suitable, which is absolutely fine. It may take several attempts to find a mentor that you really click with. Don’t give up before you find that person, and when you have found them, be disciplined in maintaining the relationship. I’ve had a number of people over the years who have asked me to mentor them, to which I have obliged, only for the relationship to run out of steam after the first or second meeting. The majority of mentoring relationships fall over because of lack of drive by the mentee, as opposed to the mentee asking too much of the mentor.
Once again, you as the mentee are responsible for making the mentoring happen, because you are the one that is benefiting from the relationship. Honour and value your mentor’s time.
You will read a lot of good and useful pieces of advice in this book, but this may be the single most important piece of counsel you will receive- find a good mentor!
